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to do. to see. to hear. to love

let me just take this opportunity on a food post to rant.

life sure is funny…isn’t it? about a month ago i decided that i was really ready to leave LA.  i clearly hinted around to it on the blog, but i never wanted to come out and actually say it until i was completely ready.  something just felt done here. like, put a fork in me! i would drive around and still do, reminicising about the past ten years living here, the people i have met, the things i have accomplished or haven’t. and although i was sad at the idea of saying goodbye, it also feels very right. true, so to speak.  i feel full. i feel like i can say i gave it ten years… ten whole years of my life! i had a dream when i was a little girl to to move to LA…bright lights, big city.  and by golly, i did it! sometimes, i still feel like the 22 year old girl who moved here. sometimes, i feel like the old hag, single, living in a big city. i fear nothing will change if i stay. i fear it is a impossible to leave.

now, i dream and i want to drive on country roads. i want to be simple. i want to feel simple. i want out of this hollywood jungle.  i want to meet some guy whose priorities are not to be famous, rich, or important.  (not to say that is every guy in LA…but). most of all, i am ready for some NEW experiences.  of course, i would love for my life to be like a romantic comedy, and i move and i meet this guy who can cut wood with an axe and maybe he wears a cowboy hat, but honestly, when i imagine moving i imagine me, just me figuring something out. because i don’t think i have yet to figure out what i want to be when i grow up.

this is so cliche, but when i read eat pray love i was soooo ready to have my eat pray love moment. 6 months later i went to europe with a friend. i went to europe again last year, but it sure is expensive,and the trips were not a year’s worth of soul searching, ending in love. i don’t know how i would move to europe with no money, a dog, and a cat.  if you read my blog or you know me, you know i have a major amount of wanderlust.  now, does this stem from constantly trying to escape LA…or is that just who i have become? when i first spoke with my parents about my recent desire to move…my dad suggested i be a nomad, going off to try different places. i suppose his suggestion and approval of such an idea sparked something in me.  a few weeks ago i started daydreaming about being a nomad…maybe living in a camper driving around with wylie and lola. stopping off in different places around the country, seeing people i know, finding odd jobs to make money, and blogging about it.  i have said it before, but i am the happiest when traveling…free.  maybe it is escapism…maybe it is just me. maybe i would move to a small town and just itch for the big city. maybe i would move to a different city and just itch for a farm.  maybe this is my lot in life and my curse…wanderlust. and therefore my curse with love.  maybe, my dream of being simple is just that, a dream. maybe it will be the hardest thing to accomplish, because essentially i don’t know that i am, simple. i am not just a blueberry or a lemon. more like the ricotta leftover from the cheese.

i knew that when i felt in my heart it was time to go, something would road block me or force me to make a hard decision. i knew things would start picking up with work and opportunities, i would find a contentment of happiness,  or i would finally meet a guy in LA i actually wanted to date.  no dude here…but the opportunities have kept me mighty busy and will until the end of august.  now, this is great! right? yes, it is…but the ambitious part of me is afraid i won’t be able to walk away. or is this just a high point…will september roll around and it is back to the same struggles? i was talking with one of the loves of my life, donna, last night and she complimented me with being multi-talented. which is great, amazing! i love that! but i also have my foot in like 6 different doors…i don’t know which one i want or if i want any of them and it kind of drives me crazy. perhaps, the core of my desire to find simplicity. wardrobe has been my career for 10 years now, but i am not inspired anymore.  i started the necklace thing, and although i get a million compliments, the craft fairs haven’t really been a success…i need to take around to boutiques, but then all these other opportunities seems to take precedence over that. like traveling, wardrobe jobs(where i actually make the most money), catering gigs (which kind of came out of nowhere), party planning, picture taking, searching for a new medium, constantly in need of cleaning my house and car,  and the blog. the blog…where it all comes together.  it seems the blog has become my own personal journal…and journey.  hence, even this post. i mean, do people really want to read this shit? i don’t know, but i suppose it feels better to sometimes type it out and send it out there with no real idea of where it goes, who reads it, and what they think.

but i feel good despite my confusion on what it is i am suppose to do or be or where. a bit stressed at uncertainty, but good. i am riding the waves. for the first time in a long time, i feel like the world is my oyster again.

i guess my ranting kind of works out for this post because i have nothing really to say about gluten free blueberry and lemon ricotta muffins, except that i just wanted to make them!

2 cups of almond flour

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking soda

2 eggs

1/8 cup of coconut oil, melted

1/8 cup of ricotta

1/4 cup of honey

2 tbsp of sugar

1 cup of blueberries

zest and juice of one lemon

preheat the oven to 350degrees.

combine dry ingredients in a bowl. combine wet ingredients in a mixer. slowly incorporate the dry ingredients into the wet. scoop into a muffin tin ( i use an ice cream scoop). bake for about 20-25 minutes or until golden brown on top!

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Comments

6 Comments

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  1. coyotka #
    July 19, 2012

    Mmmm, looks tasty. Can I get one 🙂

  2. July 15, 2012

    Rest assured, people do want to read this shit 🙂 Making a major change in life is hard, so hard, but if you’re having doubts about where you are, then you simply can’t be in the right place.
    Good luck with your new phase – you sound like you need a bit of adventure, freedom and space to find out what you want from life, I hope you enjoy the journey.

  3. July 14, 2012

    I’m nearly 22, though I definitely won’t be in LA any times soon. Might have been fun :P. I hope you go onto greater things :D. anyway, these photos are awesome, particularly the top most one and the recipe sounds awesome.

    • July 14, 2012

      thank you! I hope so too! thanks for your compliments and for reading!

      at 22…the world is yours!!!

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Gluten-free Blueberry Muffins….wild Maine blueberries at their best! « Gluten-free Medley

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