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to do. to see. to hear. to love

i spent $10 on this dragon fruit the other day at whole foods.  this is why i often run out of money. this thing is filled with color beyond your wildest imagination. i could stare at it for days. however, i was not all that impressed with the flavor.  funny isn’t it. i guess you can’t have the best of both worlds all the time?

i saw this movie last night celeste and jesse forever. it was super cute and funny and filmed in my own stopping grounds of LA.  i have to admit it made me nostalgic for my city, for my old life. the truth is, i don’t do the things i use to. i don’t utilize this city the way i use to. i don’t walk to the coffee shop anymore, i hardly ever eat out or go out, and even going to the movies seems like a treat when it use to be a weekly event. it seems to have lost it’s soul for me, and this movie made me miss that.

at the end of the movie, i turned to my friend and admitted this…and proceeded to say, this is like a break-up. then, it all made sense.  i love LA, but this city is like a boyfriend to me, the one you know is not right for you.  you love him, he can make  you feel good at times, there are so many good memories, and it is really really hard to let go even though you know you should.  the spark just isn’t there. you fight (or sit in traffic) and just can’t understand each other anymore.  some days the attraction is still there, other’s you can’t even stand to look at him.

 LA. it has been my companion for a long time now. ( in reality, just a few boyfriends in between and a WHOLE lot of weirdos). maybe i have tried to make it work for a long time now. maybe i haven’t tried hard enough.  some days i get excited about the future, others, i get really really scared.  this movie made me a little scared, to miss what i know. i realized i have a hard road ahead of me of letting go, changing, and leading down a new path. hopeful, that when one door shuts, another one opens.

thinking of my sister, julie, a lot right now. she is having some complications after giving birth. if you pray to a god, maybe you can say one!

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  1. September 5, 2012

    i haven’t lived in LA for many many years now but come every summer to visit. i understand what you’re saying about it though. love the analogy. what’s your change all about? sorry if i missed posts on that. and yes, just said a prayer for your sister. am currently visiting with mine and her 3 month old. i love her very much. hoping all goes well.

    • September 5, 2012

      well, i probably haven’t quite come out to say what the change is…but lifestyle really i guess. i love my job, i just don’t want to be in this industry forever (hollywood). i have a hard time dating here. a hard time with the traffic and hustle and bustle. i dream about something more simple and pure.
      thank for saying a prayer for my sis! enjoy your time with yours! and ps. did you ever receive your necklace? hope all is well with you!

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