things have been busy with weddings, traveling, work, orders, and thoughts. i will have to decide in the next few weeks whether to stay in this cabin or to go. and one minute i am ready to pack up and move on to the next adventure, the next staying a few more months seems reasonable. i admit the past month has been a little overwhelming for me…seems to be the month of weddings out there and all the while i am aching for a partner in this life. yet, i find myself wanting to run the second i get discouraged by the thought of being “alone”. i want to run off to the next adventure .i want to not publish this post out of embarrassment of being single. you know, your nobody till somebody loves you. i always hated that song. dating out here hasn’t been the most intriguing and i admit at the end of my time in LA i did not try very hard. my small town offers little interest to me in men. the surrounding areas are better, but still i have yet to find someone i feel on the same playing field with. do i keep trying in one place? do i try for the next place, say portland or chicago, where i might fit in a little bit better with my hobbies and interest? do i just ride the train and see where it takes me?
i watched this video this morning. i dream of a life like this on a farm, preferably in europe somewhere- simplicity. connecting to nature and our food, forgetting desires that are unneccesary. sure life has its complications and no life is perfect or free of struggle, so why do i complicate with so much worry and want? i love how he speaks of being in the moment, his daily meditation of thinking of nothing. he put into words what i have been seeking out here all this time, and honestly at many times have found. to forget the fret, the worry, to be here and now. to look around me and see the beauty in every moment or living thing that exists around me. the past few weeks of finding the right dresses for events, fretting if anyone will notice i have gained weight, worrying that i will never have a wedding- it has all weighed me down. i see i still have some challenging moments ahead of me, but the moments that save me are the the ones in the present. when i am creating, cooking, traveling, and even blogging. i hope that if i can stay connected to these moments things will fall into place as they should.
i have been following tiger in a jar for a while now. their videos are my favorite. go have a look.
thanks for reading.