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to do. to see. to hear. to love

 

things have been busy with weddings, traveling, work, orders, and thoughts. i will have to decide in the next few weeks whether to stay in this cabin or to go. and one minute i am ready to pack up and move on to the next adventure, the next staying a few more months seems reasonable. i admit the past month has been a little overwhelming for me…seems to be the month of weddings out there and all the while i am aching for a partner in this life. yet, i find myself wanting to run the second i get discouraged by the thought of being “alone”. i want to run off to the next adventure .i want to not publish this post out of embarrassment of being single. you know, your nobody till somebody loves you. i always hated that song.  dating out here hasn’t been the most intriguing and i admit at the end of my time in LA i did not try very hard. my small town offers little interest to me in men. the surrounding areas are better, but still i have yet to find someone i feel on the same playing field with. do i keep trying in one place? do i try for the next place, say portland or chicago, where i might fit in a little bit better with my hobbies and interest? do i just ride the train and see where it takes me?

i watched this video this morning. i dream of a life like this on a farm, preferably in europe somewhere- simplicity. connecting to nature and our food, forgetting desires that are unneccesary. sure life has its complications and no life is perfect or free of struggle, so why do i complicate with so much worry and want? i love how he speaks of being in the moment, his daily meditation of thinking of nothing. he put into words what i have been seeking out here all this time, and honestly at many times have found. to forget the fret, the worry, to be here and now. to look around me and see the beauty in every moment or living thing that exists around me. the past few weeks of finding the right dresses for events, fretting if anyone will notice i have gained weight, worrying that i will never have a wedding- it has all weighed me down. i see i still have some challenging moments ahead of me, but the moments that save me are the the ones in the present. when i am creating, cooking, traveling, and even blogging. i hope that if i can stay connected to these moments things will fall into place as they should.

i have been following tiger in a jar for a while now. their videos are my favorite. go have a look.

thanks for reading.

 

 

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  1. alpajews #
    July 19, 2013

    I know where you are right now. Have you ever read Winter: Notes from Montana by Rick Bass? It’s a wonderful little story about him moving up to Montana – to have that little pastoral scene in the woods, but working a hard and clean life. A partner in this life will come when it’s right – I know that’s cliche, but it’s true. Thanks for posting. 🙂

  2. July 17, 2013

    Going to a wedding alone can be awful! Everyone asks personal questions about your love life and then force the bouquet catching upon you. I’ve actually worn a wedding band (not mine) to a friend’s wedding just so I didn’t have to deal with it! Thanks for the honest glimpse into your struggles. I’ll keep my eyes open for someone worthy.

  3. July 16, 2013

    A friend once said to me “”you will find the right person for you the moment you stop looking” I did not believe it, but it turned out to be true. So – stop looking. Enjoy the life you have, and don’t worry about what other people think – single, more voluptuous, whatever – it is you now. They can take it, leave it, get over it or not. It doesn’t have to weight you down. When you go to a wedding or other event, go with the intention of having a good time, reconnecting with people you know, meeting interesting new people, and just have fun, celebrate the happy couple, and don’t compare yourself. Because there is no comparison.

  4. July 16, 2013

    Hi I didnt feel like I could just read and run so I’ll make a comment that may not even make sense, here goes. I was you, not feeling like I belonged, feeling like I wanted someone special who made everything ok. The main difference was I was with someone and for a variety of reasons I was stuck..eventually I got away have met someone who is truly my other half and we are sooo happy. I think what I am trying to say is you will find someone, and you will be happy but dont assume that the two things are bound together, be well, x

    • July 16, 2013

      thank you for your comment. and you are right, the two things are not bound together. i have reached a point in my life where i have found much happiness alone. i still have some inner things to work on, but one shall never be perfect. i think it is a phase where i see everyone moving on in their lives with another, and i crave that. i think i must believe more in finding that person. others stories of love always bring me joy! so thank you!

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