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Posts from the colorado adventure Category

photo 3last week i drove from olympia to colorado. i needed to go back and see it all for myself. i was nervous as i drove into town and down 34. there were road blocks, but i drove around them, heading into the path of destruction. it hit me like a ton of bricks, seeing the debris piled on the side of the road, huge trees laying in the river. the only people using the road were workers and people whom obviously lived out that way. i started crying, my stomach was turning upside down. i was nervous, i was confused to see this place change.  when i pulled onto the property i knew what to expect from photos, but it just felt weird. i couldn’t cry anymore, i couldn’t feel much of anything but shock. it just was not the same place. the sun was shining so bright, you could feel the autumn change in the sun. it was a vast difference from the gloomy afternoons we had had all summer. it was as though everything was constipated and it exploded with massive amounts of rain, leaving behind destruction and sunny blue skies. the least mother nature could have done was to get a colonic if she was that backed up. just kidding, but not really.

i walked around the property taking it all in with little feeling- it seems in times of tragedy it feels so unreal to me that i dont know what to feel. the concord grapes were still there and you could smell there sweetness in the hot autumn sun. my neighbor had come out with a volunteer. i walked across the newly built dirt road to the other side of the  river and entered a war zone. or maybe a movie set. that is what it felt like. my neighbors houses were under sand. we could walk right on to the roof. cars buried in sand, propane tanks on tops of trees. dead fish tangled in the mess of debris, and random bits of houses just hanging out. laura has started digging their way out finding a small amount of their previous items.  they plan to take the roof off and dig their way down.

i have never witnessed a disaster first hand. i have come close twice now. ( i was suppose to fly to nyc the day after septemeber 11) and this is the first time i have seen anything like this in person. though i lost nothing, my memories feel bruised. after about 30 minutes i just couldn’t look at it anymore. later that night i kept wanting to go back, to make sure it was all real. i wasn’t sure where to put my memories. the sight of it all was overpowering my time there. i am sure it will for a while. for now, i seem to just be trucking along, making jokes about the tragedy, because it is the only way i know how to deal with it. i wasn’t even sure how to post this- i didn’t want to keep harping on it, but it seemed only fitting to tell the truth. i write this from nyc now, a whole different world from my cabin on the river. hanging out in hipsterville of williamsburg makes me realize how lucky i was to have that time there.

i also just want to say thank you for all your kind comments and for reading. thank you.
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photolast night i was told that my cabin on the river is gone, wiped out by the colorado flood. my neighbor said there is nothing there to even see anymore. my neighbors have lost everything. the neighborhood i have shared for months here on the blog is under water. the owner of the ranch has been in contact with my landlord, and i read on their facebook page that all the horses and critters are safe. so far, they have only lost one horse. the place i so warmly have talked about, the place where i healed my soul, is a disaster. even if she was always housing bugs and spiders. even if there were things that were not as convenient as city living, i loved living there.

i am in a state of shock, i can’t stop crying, i couldn’t sleep last night. in fact, i couldn’t really sleep all week. it has been such a strange 5 days. monday, i woke up with the sunshine and did some errands. i came home to find that wylie dog had gotten into the grapes i had harvested from the front yard. all i have heard lately is don’t give dogs grapes. i rushed him to the emergency vet unsure if he had consumed one, two, twenty, or none. the vet suggested he stay the night to be on fluids to flush anything out, as grapes can be deadly to dogs. i left the cabin on the way to the vet with a huge storm hanging over the mountains. by the time i left the vet it was pouring. that evening, though i was a mess about my boy, the neighbors were making me dinner. i decided the best thing to do was to go have a good time and get my mind off wylie. there were two couples that lived across the river from me and we often hung out drinking wine on their river beaches, my landlord too. needless to say they became my friends and my social outlet there on the river.

it wasn’t uncommon to discuss the flood that happened here in 1976. it killed over a 140 people, and there were signs all over the neighborhood cautioning flood- climb up, not out. my parents were the first to tell me about it. i never actually thought it could happen again. we are too sophisticated and smart now, right? i thought it was impossible. plus, how could it happen to us? looking back, the word flood came up too often.

to give you an idea of how bad this is. back in 1976 my neighbors knew the water was 4 feet deep in their house. today, the water was to the roof. thats at least over 9 feet. it swelled enough to take out my cabin which sat above the river at least 10 feet, yet it still swallowed it. my neighbor said my garden is still there, the tomatos still turning red.

we sat under a terrace monday night eating ribs, drinking wine, laughing and sharing stories. the rain was like a blanket, we actually kind of enjoyed it. the thunder started just as the sun was going down. it was such a fun evening and i was happy to have met these wonderful people, and i was sad i was leaving. that night, i couldn’t sleep. wylie wasn’t in bed with me, the movers were coming the next morning, and the rain danced on the roof. every time i woke up the sound of rain was soothing, yet something felt strange and eerie even then.

i got word in the morning that wylie would be fine and i could pick him up later that day. the clouds still hung low, it felt like a day in the PNW. the movers moved everything out and we went to the storage unit where again i heard the word flood. “what kind of flood insurance do you want to have for your storage unit?”

i picked up wylie and went back to the cabin to finish cleaning and packing the car. i had a junk removal service come pick up my couch, the driver mentioned how high the river was. i had noticed too how much it was rushing, but thought it was normal considering all the rain. i gave my new neighbor that had just moved in a few weeks prior a bunch of stuff from our fridge. we had recently had many conversations about our life experiences, why we both wanted to live in a cabin- i was bummed i wasn’t staying longer to get to know her. her house is gone now too, and i was told her cats were in the cabin.

that night i spent the night at my neighbors across the river. they made me dinner, a bass they caught on their most recent camping trip. we ate inside, because it was still raining. i was curious if this weather was normal. i asked laura to see her wedding album, i wanted to see their lives in a little more detail. that night i slept better, but the rain still fell. we woke up and had breakfast together. all week and even that morning laura kept trying to convince me to stay. i wanted too, but everything was settled so, i said my goodbyes i went back to the cabin to gather up the rest of my things and finish up the small details. the weather was so gloomy and wet. it didn’t seem or feel like the colorado i had come to know. i was annoyed to pack up the car in the rain, my sandals still have mud on them. i was annoyed that i had already mopped the kitchen floor 3 times. i got in the car and as i drove off i felt distant from this place. normally, i look at every detail, i get sentimental about every little thing. i look around to soak in all the memories…this time…i just left. i wanted to get out of that rain, even if i was driving to washington, where rain is normal. something didn’t feel quite right, but i didn’t even know it. i thought it was just sadness about leaving and i was simply avoiding my feelings.

i drove north on I-25 in heavy rain for over 2 hours. i contemplated turning around because i HATE driving in heavy rain. i get anxious. i kept going powering through. the rain finally let up a few hours outside yellowstone. i arrived to my little lodge and had a big glass of wine. the next morning i woke up early to hit the park. cell service was shotty, but about an hour in i got a text from my neighbor that they were in flood conditions. again, i took it lightly, thinking it was maybe a few inches of water. by that evening i had a conversation with laura and she explained it was bad. friday morning i woke up and couldn’t stop thinking about my neighbors, about how i wasn’t there. how did i miss this? by the time i arrived at my brothers in olympia, washington i got news that my neighbors lost everything, that my cabin was gone. it’s just gone. The water is up to the roof on both my neighbors houses. The river is 5 times wider.

i do not think luck is something you have, i think it is something that just happens. i don’t believe in fate really, i don’t even believe in god, as an individual being anyway. because why would god save me and not the others ?it was pure quincidance. i missed the start of the flood by 24hours. just 24 hours. i was paying rent until the 15th, and since i had made that arrangement, i still wanted to move out before for some reason. i was a bit anxious to get going, even if i was sad to leave. i had decided to have the movers come on the 10th because 1. i was superstitious about moving on on september 11th 2. i wanted to make it to my brother’s by friday to spend the weekend there. there are so many what if’s. what if i had extended the lease another 6 months? what if i had stayed until the 15th? what if i had stayed till the end of the month. back in beginning of august, i would have done so in a heart beat, but as time went on and i started packing, i wanted to just rip the band aid off.

i put my stuff in storage and it had me thinking lately about what all our stuff is. possessions. what not. are they necessary for our happiness? i was glad to be rid of it all for a bit. to live simply. i think that is strange i was thinking this way now. some stuff is just stuff, but some of it precious memories. all of it money and time. it is not something anyone can take lightly and i certainly dont anymore. I admit i have tried to imagine if i had still been there, if i had to evacuate, what i would take. how would i be feeling now, how would i handle it? i guess now i know my decision was the right one. either way i would have no place to live.

i can’t completely explain my emotions right now. i am sad, i am in shock, my eyes hurt from crying. my heart breaks for my friends and neighborhood. it is just all gone. all gone. it is a surreal feeling. there are moments when i know i am fine, everything is ok. there are moments i just want to cry again in shock of the reality of how close i came to being there, how my friends have to start there lives over. how the road up to estes park is pretty much gone and the death toll may continue to rise. everything feels like a different world now, that little piece of heaven for me- it feels like a dream. the beginning and the end. as if i was never there.

please keep all the people of colorado devastated by this flood in your thoughts.

Ribbet collagethe photo on the right is looking over the bridge to my neighbors. well, there once was a bridge there under that pile.

the second photo is an arial view of the property and the dam. that big swell is where my cabin and the neighbors once were.

 

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I just received these photos last night. One is my garden. The other cabin sat where the river now is. The other photo is of my parking spot. My cabin was just to the left of the spot and those bushes.

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the past 9 months i have lived on one of the recommended scenic byways in colorado. a river flows through my backyard and i am surrounded by horses. i can walk onto the original dirt road to estes park and did almost daily. every time single time i have walked out my front door i can honestly say i was filled with gratitude, happiness, enchantment, and luck. every time i came home, i felt content.

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul”- John Muir

when people ask me why i moved to colorado, i am not exactly sure how to answer it. part embarrassment, part not wanting to spill my emotions all over their lap, and partly because i never knew how to put it into words. i have alluded to it many times here on the blog-it’s always easier for me to voice through written word. i had hit a very unhappy point in my life in LA. i felt stuck and unsure, i was deeply hurt in a battle of who’s right and wrong, disappointed by failed “relationships” or lack there of, my insecurities may have grown deeper than they ever have in those last two years, and i was left not knowing whom i was anymore. i needed to escape. i needed to learn to be alone. i needed to feel something greater than myself.

“Take a course in good water and air; and in the eternal youth of Nature you may renew your own. Go quietly, alone; no harm will befall you.” – John Muir

i took this chance with such certainty. i was nervous, but not scared. i knew it was the right thing to do. i have grown to love myself again even if there are a few demons occasionally turning the thoughts in my head. nothing and nobody can be perfect. i have come to realize that this life is precious- it is wonderful and worthy and our doubts and questions are what leads us to find that. i have found a peace that DOES exist, for me at least and a contentment i will have to work hard at keeping without the glorious earth presenting herself literally to me daily.

“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.” – John Muir

in my heart, i feel it is time to move on. i admit i worry i will loose what i have found here when i leave, but that fear can’t be what keeps me from going. this time i am scared. i am certain i must go, i am excited to be on the road traveling and visiting friends- (i am calling it tour de friends!) but i haven’t a clue where i shall end up. maybe it is back in LA, maybe it is here in Colorado, maybe it is Chicago, i am day dreaming of europe. i know one day, i shall see myself at peace in the country again- whether it is in my dreams or a reality.

“The mountains are calling, I must go.” – John Muir

my emotions run deep, my sensitivity high, my empathy and even anger can sometimes fuel me, and my dreams soar high every day.

i am a what they call a dreamer. i dream up trips and adventures, i dream up love stories, i dream up lifestyles, i dream up different kinds of businesses, i dream up creations. sometimes, i even get to live out some of my dreams. they may not manifest with exact execution, but they exist. i learned that on this colorado adventure. How can i not consider myself lucky? i leave here a better person. i leave here with more than i expected.

“The power of imagination makes us infinite.”- John Muir

as for the blog- i don’t know where she shall lead. i have contemplated starting a new section: on the road, as the majority of the next 4-6 months will be just that. my life is packed in boxes and shoved into a 7×10 cube. i admit i am kind of excited to be rid of “stuff” for a bit. traveling makes it a bit more difficult for me to blog, because i do not have a laptop. there are many ideas floating around about what to do- we will just have to wait and see how it all flows. for now, you can follow me on instagram if you like, sunandglory, where i will be sure to update often with photos, because i am addicted.

oh, and sun and glory was written up on the UK online magazine THE UPCOMING. today, started off as a really good day. recognition is humbling and a true honor. check out the article here.

this isn’t goodbye, but another beginning. first stop, yellowstone national park.

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IMG_8683thank you for the kind comments from the previous post. i was surprised at the interest in my writing. frankly, i am more of a picture person vs. a reader…so, i guess i assumed what i wrote was the least important part. so, thank you for reading. with that said, let me go off on some more tangents.

i have made the decision to leave the cabin. it was a hard one, but i feel confident it is the right one for now.  i am sad to not see some of the things around the property come to life or change in the fall, but anxious to see what kinds of things can surprise me still the next month.  i haven’t a clue where i shall end up after this. denver is an option, putting my stuff in storage and roaming around seems to be the main focus. there is something super exciting about that, as well as a bit daunting. where will i end up after it all? it is possible i will wander on forever.

even though most of my thoughts lately have been about leaving the cabin, oddly enough, i find myself missing LA again. the past few days i have been listening to some old yo la tengo albums. the one’s that were on repeat in my first apartment in LA. music always takes me right back. i can almost taste the foods i ate back then, i can see myself as i was- the clothes i wore, driving in my car, the feelings i had.  after getting through the first year there i started to find a little place for myself. i stayed up late, drank lots of wine, had a very large stack of cd’s accumulating in my living room, made t-shirts with lace and dye, took polaroids,  and was just starting my career. seems like yesterday, seems like forever ago. back when i was a magazine horror, wore converse, was addicted to amoeba and friendster, and had a very large boxy computer.  i’m not sure why these memories are popping up in my head lately. maybe, leaving the cabin somehow means i am leaving LA behind too.

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everyday, i have been taking walks around the property.   piking wildflowers for bouquets and yesterday, i spent the afternoon harvesting all sorts of these other goodies. sucking in all that the sunshine and mountains behold. stopping to see what surrounds me, to see what is growing. you should try it sometime, you might be surprised what you find. every single day i see a new flower, a new plant, hell, yesterday, i discovered a cherry tree outside my bedroom window. for the past month i thought it was an apple tree with stunted apples, but a few started changing color and i stopped to look up and realized they were cherries…i was ecstatic. as i walked away from my new exciting discovery i remembered how sad i was to leave LA and all the lush vegetation of my backyard. the lemon tree, the fig tree, the rosemary bush…never would i have guessed i would have found all that i have here, in colorado. it reassured me of the future, that it can always surprise you.

there are a million apple trees around the property. a few pear trees, tons of chokecherry bushes, a grapevine, now a cherry tree, and even a peach tree, though she isn’t producing anything this year.  it has been raining a lot- thunderstorms or clouds almost everyday.  there are a plethora of mushrooms growing everywhere. i havent a clue what kind they are, nor do i intend to find out. i know a lot of the puffball mushrooms have turned out to be poisonous. i am continually fascinated by the eco system i am living in. the cabin sits in a bowl down by the river, allotting for shade and sun with rich soil from the river.  a short walk up the road and you are in a desert.  open space and to my surprise tons and tons of sage growing. i can’t begin to explain my joy when i discovered it…which i will try in my next post about the harvesting of it. i have even discovered yarrow on the property . there are cacti and all sorts of strange looking desert flowers. i have never stopped to notice a pine tree growing it’s branches, or what a baby pine cone looks like.

it is the perfect combo of desert and mountain…. because it is just that -a mountain desert.

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IMG_8899 IMG_8732then there is my own garden. i admit, i have been a little bit lazy about it. i have it watered on a timer, and only occasionally do i go over to trim and de-weed. the tomatos are doing pretty decent, but some of the other things, like the zucchini, are growing slowly. i have been a little too lazy to figure it out though. i’m just happy with whatever she wants to provide me with, naturally. one evening, the sun was glowing on the garden. the colors were so incredible. one of my favorite things to do everyday is to visit her and see how she is doing…what’s newly ripe or getting bigger.

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i am so thankful for the bounty this place has surprised me with.  nature, is my church, it is my god. it’s what allows me to discover what i hold within myself. i couldn’t be more thankful for the time i have spent here. i know in my heart, i will find my way back to this lifestyle  time and time again.

i suppose , ten years down another road, i will put on that yo la tengo album again, remembering these moments now…walking outside my back door discovering a cherry tree, harvesting a basket of sagebrush, and breathing in the smell of pine.

never underestimate the small moments- my biggest lesson thus far.

PicMonkey Collagefxcj the time has come to make a big decision. do i stay in the cabin, or do i go? i have two days to make up my mind. yesterday morning i was completely ready to leave and embark on new adventures. in fact, i was excited. then after the rain cleared yesterday evening, i took a walk around the property and i started second guessing my decision. how do i leave this place, this dream i have had for so long? the things that are growing around these parts that i get so incredibly excited about, the sage i discovered and have been harvesting (both two posts to come!). the smells, the scenery, the horses, the ranch, the neighbors, just the sheer fact of living in the mountains. it has humbled me, it has allowed me to stop and appreciate all that i am, all that i have.  i have learned to appreciate all these things on my own with no one to share it with, except you- my readers. i have developed this sense of peace that i have longed for since i was a little girl. i loved playing camp outside as a kid, pretending to live off the land. though, i am far from that in many ways, in other ways the land is presenting itself naturally and i merely get to enjoy it! the apple trees, the mushrooms, the grapes, the flowers, even my own garden.  it has been a dream come true. every day i am continually surprised by something new this land can offer.

but then, there is the loneliness that can subside. at times, i feel utterly trapped and alone, at others i feel perfectly content. in some ways i feel less lonely than i did in LA, and at times i wish i had a group of friends to invite over for a big feast. everyone is too far away to make those commitments, even my friends in denver. sometimes, i will go do things on my own, other times i find myself hesitant and without motivation. i moved here to heal from many wounds, i came here because i dreamt of it. but do i want to continue this alone? or do i move on to seek the partner and family i desire knowing that one day i can come back to this life? i have  a hard time letting go, clearly, and if you know me or have kept up with my blog, you already know that. it took me a while to let go of LA and at times i still miss it. i suppose i am scared i won’t find myself back in this peace again. that i won’t find a cabin or house with this much to offer. do i let go and set off with a bang? with great memories vs. the staggering dread of winter? i went back and reread all my old posts of the colorado adventure, and more often than not i was talking about how much  i missed my friends, having a life, but how beautiful this place is.  at what point am i willing to trader these things?

if i renew for another six months, i worry i will feel trapped come winter. it was beautiful, but it was isolating. if i had snow shoes, perhaps i would set out more. 🙂  i regret not signing that year lease now, that my dad tried to convince me of.  i am sad if i leave by september 1 i won’t get to see the leaves change. i won’t get to eat the apples or taste the grapes, or perhaps see a bear. i have been waiting to see one for a long time! however, if i leave at the end of the month, i take the opportunity for travels. to either move to denver or put my stuff in storage and be a nomad until i figure out where i want to be. truth be told though, i actually really like colorado. i can’t think of a big reason to leave the state. denver would allow me ways to grow as an artist, make new friends, and perhaps find better dates than the country. i can always rent a cabin for the weekend, right? yet, i am still not ready to fully commit to it. changing again feels a little daunting. being a nomad however, well, it’s kind of like home to me.  consistency is something i struggle the most with. plus, there is the struggle of inbetween travels- base camp would be my parents basement. it wouldn’t be my home where i am surrounded by the things that inspire me. there wouldn’t be any more posts about the property, though maybe there are so many photos i can post of the river anyway. and i suppose who knows what kinds of posts are to come. right?

i am the worst decision maker sometimes, well, most of the time. it took me 5 years to decide to leave LA. even though i knew this decision was coming, i still feels so rushed. i think i have just been waiting for a sign, yet, it hasn’t really showed itself. i believe in many ways, it is time to move on. an adventure of a lifetime, better therapy then a therapist, and left with a heart full of appreciation to carry on. i suppose it has done it’s job, perhaps even run it’s course for the time being. i just don’t know. i have less than 72 hours to figure it out.

it is so green again on the grounds. it has been raining a lot!! i started thinking about nature’s transition along with mine. it had been 10 years since i lived in a true 4 seasons (which was the name of the subdivision i grew up in indiana). though, i arrived just after fall was ending, when i first looked at the property in ocotber the leaves were changing. so, in a way, it is full circle, even if it has only been about 8 months- 9 if i move out end of august. 9 months- the time frame we associate with giving birth. maybe i am about to. maybe i already have.

i started thinking about the land and how much it transforms. how, almost weekly i take the same walks around the property and am still finding beauty in the landscape, in the way she changes. i decided to compare the photos i have taken over the last several months. seasons truly are something to be astonished by, to be inspired by, to appreciate. the magic of nature is always there, forever evolving and shaping itself.

i reckon the next time i post, the decision will have been made. and at the end of the day, if this is the biggest decision i have to make, well, i am doing pretty good, right? regardless, i feel like the luckiest to have spent this time here. sometimes, i wish i didn’t think so damn much.

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so…this time, my dear friend natalie got married to her brad. they live here in colorado about 45 minutes away from me. natalie, another old friend from indiana, college, adulthood… she is one of my best! the guest list was a lot of my oldest friends from indiana. larissa would have been here too, but she was off in france on her honeymoon. my childhood best friend, sara, and her husband mark came in a night early to stay the cabin. though the rain stuck right over our head, which is the first time i have ever seen that happen here, we enjoyed a night of wine, conversation, and food. sara and i even had a sleepover in my bed, much like the old days when we were next door neighbors growing up.  it made me so happy. our friend lisa, came up to the cabin the next morning. lis is off galavanting the world, and is moving to australia as i write this. we trekked up to rocky mountain national park for  lovely hike. though it seems i have yet to get use to this altitude. i forgot i live in this high altitude, until my friend bethany kindly pointed that out! 🙂

that night, nat’s parents hosted a little party where the rest of the crew met up. the wedding night was full of laughter, reminicising, john denver, and dance parties. it felt so good to be surrounded by old friends with so many memories. i have known these girls dating all the way back to pre-school and elementary school, high school, and then college.  to see how it has all lead up to this day as though time has not passed, well, it doesn’t really get much better than that. we know each others families, ex-boyfriends, and probably even a few dirty secrets. they are the friends you can leave the bathroom door open with, the friends you can pick off each others plates. yeah, it’s comfortable. now a days, everyone is married with kids. it’s pretty amazing to see all the men with diaper bags and holding babies. perhaps we are a little more grown up, but still pretty much the same.  my parents were even here for the special weekend. that was extra special.

let’s talk about natalie. she looked incredibly beautiful. the setting was extraordinary, the decor perfect, the dress was just so her. i have watched the hard work she has put into this wedding the last year, and it came out so perfect. all the little details, i wish i would have gotten more photos of this! i got to take part a bit in the decor. we collaborated on the dessert table and i made her a homemade wedding cake. this is all in the next post today!

of course, even though i lived 25 minutes from the venue, i was not very well prepared. meaning, i did not bring a sim card for my camera and had to resort to using my iphone. though, i will admit i have been extra lazy lately and using my iphone anyway!

love you girls so much!!! let’s do it again.

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PicMonkey Collageygfiy i can’t seem to catch up on my sleep these days. ever since the two jobs i did back to back i have been exhausted. i have also been noticing old cars and birds a lot lately. the other day wylie and i found a birdie just sitting behind the cabin. he didn’t seem to move, wylie gave him a sniff, then he got scared and had a tumble down the rocks. the look on his face was heartbreaking. hard to imagine a bird having a look.  i picked him up and put him in a box an called all around asking what i could do for him. finally, the wildlife refuge said his best chance was nature. i set him free. that evening i hear wylie barking in the side yard. i go outside, and there the little birdie sat on the other side of the fence just staring at wylie. i made him a new box and put him in the fenced in yard. he slept for a few hours, while incessantly checked on him. it started to get a little chilly that night, so i moved him into the laundry room. he passed away by morning. i hope he was at least comfortable and not scared.

the garden is growing strong out here. soon, there will be veggies to harvest. the apple trees are starting their apples, which are just about the cutest things and also means bears will be coming soon. the grapevine is looking mighty lush as well! something has been lurking around the back porch at night. wylie boy likes to get up and bark and then stress out for a few hours in the middle of the night, which in turn means i get no sleep.  i did firefly craft fair this weekend in boulder and colorado ate up sun and glory products! i am so pleased with the business. now, i must unload my car and pack for two weeks of traveling, again. i am pretty excited for the month to come and all the festivities. i have a few posts for while i am away! i end my post here! much love!PicMonkey Collagecugi IMG_4163 PicMonkey Collagecfyc PicMonkey Collageezt PicMonkey Collagejvjhv PicMonkey Collagevhulphoto

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i have been meaning to do a colorado post. when i came back from LA, everything was green and blooming! i was ecstatic and have been since. it smells like home to me, like summer days growing up in indiana. then there is the mountain air and  that smell of a pine tree under the sun’s heat intoxicates me. i find myself inhaling these huge deep breaths. i love it.

i leave again tomorrow for a work trip. i admit i am a little anxious about traveling, having just gotten back, and i hate leaving my boy wylie, not to mention my battle with flying anxiety! then i come back and its more work here, then a few days off. and then on and on until the end of july really. just about that time, i will have to start really considering my next move. and i have absolutely no clue what it will be. i just can’t even talk about it.

i do like being busy, but when i first got back from the last trip, i really took the time to appreciate my surroundings and the warm weather…as you can tell with all my feet photos relaxing by the river! it has been such a treat. new friends, bonfires and bbq’s at neighbor’s houses, flowers blooming. i am still waiting for a good thunderstorm though! i miss those.

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PicMonkey Collagehwt1. the big thompson river. snow melt/ 2. the view down the road

3. the cabin in spring / 4. i have a new roommate

5. the water is cold / 6. a butterfly wing my neighbor brought me

7. neighbors / 8. flowers on a tree

9. lazy me / 10. lazy wylie

11. decorated the side yard / 12. and the back porch

13. poppies-before / 14/ poppies-after

15. twig teepee at a friend’s down the road / 16. met some baby goats

17. the property / 18. the neighbor’s river beach at night

19. more relaxation / 20. prepping my job at an actual western store in my town

21. a snake skin

 

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first off, thanks to those whom participated in the giveaway! the prize went to marissa of marissamoondaughter. i also wanted to thank everyone for their lovely comments! i am sorry i have been a bad blogger and have not replied. please know that i do read every one of them and am so grateful for all my readers!

it is amazing how much i go in and out of missing LA and loving it here. last week we had two feet of snow. even though it is beautiful, i was so sick of being stuck inside i could scream. i was literally trapped for a few days  because i couldn’t get my car out of the driveway. the photos below don’t even do it justice! after a taste of spring in LA, this snowy, gloomy, weather had me confused and had me missing my old life. it is hard to change, it is hard to let go, i am now realizing this. i suppose this was the point of it all though, to change.  luckily, i get to fill my craving for my old ways when i leave in a few days to road trip it back to sunny california to do a job. i am super grateful to get to play in my old city and hang out with my friends i miss so…and for a few weeks!!!

over the past weekend the snow started to melt into wet sticky mud and the sun started to show his self again. wylie and i did a little exploring of our country/mountain neighborhood and by monday and tuesday, we had snow again. uh, that was enough to almost make me go nuts. wednesday, the white fields finally started to disappear and by yesterday i started to get excited again about what is to come ! wylie and i went on a little hike into the hills outside the front door and we sat by the river just relaxing. i haven’ been able to do that without shivering! i realized, the summer here is going to be breathtaking.  i think the snowy, winter seasons make you appreciate the beautiful weather even more. it’s not that we take it for granted in LA, it’s just so normal to have  a beautiful day you don’t know any different after a while. but here, here the land comes alive again. your mind and body rejoice, and the sun feels like you have been given a golden warm gift. the grass is turning green, the buds are slowly showing their strength. the rhubarab is popping up in the garden. the sounds of the river feel like a vacation on the beach. by the time i get back in 3 weeks, i can only imagine this place is going to be a whole new world and ecosystem.

it’s true, somedays i want to crawl back to my old life. some days, i can’t believe this adventure i get to take. i feel torn between loving the wilderness and the peace, but i crave culture and eccentricity! yet still, i find myself wanting more, i find myself envious of others. these are just some of the things i am learning about myself, some of the things i want and need to change. i am not sure what path to take in the next few months. hopefully, working and being in LA for a few weeks will bring me some clarity. i am an over analyzer, if they gave awards out for such, i could most definitley win won. i sometimes feel a peace here that i havent felt in years. sometimes i feel i might just be a little to eclectic for a middle america lifestyle. maybe i am having a mid-life crisis- but a beautiful one.

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i believe the above photos need little explanation!!!

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wylie and i found the head, one claw, and feathers of a flickr bird in the front yard. something devoured this bird. i clearly saved it all.
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working on some party favors for a bachelorette  party i will hit up on the way back from LA in utah. also, working on a few samples for the small summer line to come out.

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taking a hike on the ranch’s land. a little bit of trespassing, but what glorious views. i have never walked this path before, and it was awesome!  also, the horses are horsin around when it comes to feeding time. except the one little guy in the back. he seemed a little mad at everyone else. IMG_3229 IMG_2997

the elk are everywhere.

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i thought i would try a little something new on the blog. daily gems. bits and pieces of fun things from instagram and general adventures and moments around the house. it was super warm last weekend and today it is snowing again. i have been working a lot at the lodge, and getting ready for my trip next week. the family didn’t come out this week because of the snow storm….big bummer, but now i can catch up on a few things! although, somehow i am procrastinating on the computer!

1.new plants and thrifted pots

2. i can’t stop making orange coffee

3. wylie boy after a bath

4. air plants taking a tub

5. a hike down the road: devil’s backbone

6. on warm days, she likes to come out. another neighbor.

7. wylie and i went for a hike at carter lake

8. we saw the biggest herd of elk i have ever seen

9. view from the office yesterday with snow and don’t feed the bears sign

10. the office

11. more elk outside the grocery store in estes park

12. another shot from carter lake