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Posts from the Thoughts Category


things have been busy with weddings, traveling, work, orders, and thoughts. i will have to decide in the next few weeks whether to stay in this cabin or to go. and one minute i am ready to pack up and move on to the next adventure, the next staying a few more months seems reasonable. i admit the past month has been a little overwhelming for me…seems to be the month of weddings out there and all the while i am aching for a partner in this life. yet, i find myself wanting to run the second i get discouraged by the thought of being “alone”. i want to run off to the next adventure .i want to not publish this post out of embarrassment of being single. you know, your nobody till somebody loves you. i always hated that song.  dating out here hasn’t been the most intriguing and i admit at the end of my time in LA i did not try very hard. my small town offers little interest to me in men. the surrounding areas are better, but still i have yet to find someone i feel on the same playing field with. do i keep trying in one place? do i try for the next place, say portland or chicago, where i might fit in a little bit better with my hobbies and interest? do i just ride the train and see where it takes me?

i watched this video this morning. i dream of a life like this on a farm, preferably in europe somewhere- simplicity. connecting to nature and our food, forgetting desires that are unneccesary. sure life has its complications and no life is perfect or free of struggle, so why do i complicate with so much worry and want? i love how he speaks of being in the moment, his daily meditation of thinking of nothing. he put into words what i have been seeking out here all this time, and honestly at many times have found. to forget the fret, the worry, to be here and now. to look around me and see the beauty in every moment or living thing that exists around me. the past few weeks of finding the right dresses for events, fretting if anyone will notice i have gained weight, worrying that i will never have a wedding- it has all weighed me down. i see i still have some challenging moments ahead of me, but the moments that save me are the the ones in the present. when i am creating, cooking, traveling, and even blogging. i hope that if i can stay connected to these moments things will fall into place as they should.

i have been following tiger in a jar for a while now. their videos are my favorite. go have a look.

thanks for reading.



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during my trip in LA, i stayed in hollywood with my friends sean and kate. they live in the hollywood tower ( hollywood tower of terror at disney is modeled after this building). my dearest stacy and allan live across the street. one morning, i met stacy on the corner of franklin and argyle and we walked straight up into the hollywood hills. stacy was taking me on a walking tour of her neighborhood. her and allan, her husband, discovered the gem of a neighborhood right out there front door from a walking tour guide of LA. turned out they were amongst charlie chaplin’s old stomping grounds. sometimes we get caught up in our worlds and forget the history we are standing on. i was more than delighted to be a tourist in “my” city and with one of my favorite people as my tour guide!

it was one of those gloomy LA mornings, but to me coming from winter wonderland, what once would have been daunting, became delightful. it was warm, it was green, it smelled of exotic flowers and plants.

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the first stop, stacy showed me a little yoga temple just a few blocks up the street. nestled in a neighborhood, this beautiful,worldly building sets itself off from the rest complete with a bookstore. the blooms taking place had me in awe. i forgot how exotic and exciting the vegetation is in so cal. ( i really need spring to bloom in CO). although, most of what you see is probably not native, the sheer fact that so many different species of plants can thrive in this environment is a blessing.PicMonkey Collagek PicMonkey Collagezr

there are castles, wood doors, and breathtaking views all along the way. i can’t help but to wonder who lives in these houses. or who use to. what do they do? and how do i live in one?PicMonkey Collagelggf

on the tour we come across two of charlie chaplin’s dwellings. the photo above on the left is now an apartment complex, but was once his apartment. the house on the right was his house, or better – his mansion. the stories stacy would tell along the way of different old hollywood actors living in these dwellings gave me this whole different perspective of LA. being such a new city in relation to the east coast, any history i find even more fascinating. i love movies and photos of LA when it was first developing or when neighborhoods were completely different landscapes.  i tried to imagine these hills when they weren’t filled with a gazllion houses, when it might have been peaceful. i often think about old hollywood or what it was like when it was starting up. was it as cut throat? was it as egotistical? who were the starlets and the struggling actors? and who were the people behind the scenes?PicMonkey Collagetfxt

i think the most interesting part of the tour for me was the krotona portion. stacy knew a whole lot of details on the era.  krotona is a theosophical ” colony that began in 1912. a utopian oasis where practitioners hoped to ” study philosophy, appreciate nature, celebrate performance and otherwise live a fuller life — all in the Hollywood Hills.”  the cheap, paradise land below what is now the hollywood sign (and a million dollars for a one bedroom), began a colony. it was finished in 1919. the colony later moved to Ojai in the 20’s as to escape the hollywoodism and growing communities that were infringing on the utopia and is still there today. The photos above are a few of the buildings from the Krotona colony. This is a good article to read for a bit more in-depth info.

somehow i identified with these people. desiring a simple utopia in the beauty of southern california. maybe i should have moved to ojai! 🙂PicMonkey Collaged7td IMG_2802

i love how on any given street in LA the houses can be different. spanish, modern, traditional, craftsman.  especially in the hills. occasionally, you will find these story book houses that look like snow white will be popping her head out at any given moment singing to the birds. PicMonkey Collagecyy PicMonkey Collagegcitu

just some more random buildings and architecture. the photo above on the right embodies a house where there a pianist lives and never leaves. the house is decorated with characters outside (hard to see in the photo). and you can’t help but to wonder what kind of stories this pianist could tell.

i wish i would have recorded stacy giving the tour. she did such a good job. if you take a trip to LA, my advice, skip the star tours, beverly hills, and the grauman theater. find a walking tour guide of LA. you will discover and learn more about LA than you thought ever existed. i still am! it is a magical city and i fell in love with it in a new way again. PicMonkey Collagecty


below are just a few snapshots of the inside of kate and sean’s lobby and from their roof. on my birthday we relaxed in the sun on this roof, drinking a few beers, talking of life, hollywood, and what is next to come for us all.

being in middle america now and then traveling from NYC to LA- the vast difference is amazing. these cities are magnificent and filled with so much life.
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i use to do a lot of hiking in LA. i hiked up the observatory several times a week when i lived in that hood. griffith park smells glorious in the spring and i longed for the old days. i realized on this hike the things i have taken for granted. the things i forgot to cherish. why must we only see it after it is gone? PicMonkey Collage


my trip to LA, as i knew it would, left me a bit confused. the city seemed different to me on this trip and i loved her in a whole new way. i have this relationship with LA, as if LA was my significant other. sure, i was probably glamorizing it again and remembering back to my dreams of wanting to move there. it was spring in LA (it starts early there). everything was in full bloom and green! (come august, it will be brown again.)  i forgot how magical and golden that sun was, and it surpassed any memory i did have. i forgot how luxurious the weather really is. i realized, how much i took for granted all the amazing things about that city. even driving didn’t feel as daunting.  funny how only 6 months away changed that place for me. lesson learned: enjoy the place you live as if you are a tourist everyday!

i still can’t say if i will go back. sometimes i want to, sometimes it feels silly to do it over again. my trip back in may i think will be another good lesson, and i can’t wait to spend more time there again.

i can say i am proud i was an angeleno…and after giving it ten years i think i can still call myself one.


things are picking up in my CO world. i took a job in estes park working at a lodge, and even if the pay is bad, i kind of like it! meeting travelers, getting out of the house, and a commute through the mountains meeting many elk along the way. it just makes me appreciate this adventure even more every day that passes.  still unsure where i will take myself next, today, things are good. next week, i have some family coming to visit and we will spend time in a house in the mountains. after that i am off to NYC, LA, and then LA again in May. i am nervous and excited to go back to LA, to be back in my old habitat will be a curious thing! i will also turn 33 very soon. thirty  f*ckin  three. excuse my language, that number shocks me.

i have also been working on this new blog, kaleidoscopes, i was talking about. now, i have yet to decide if this is something i will stick with, time will tell i suppose. do i want to manage two blogs is a question that often pops into my head? yet, i like the idea of keeping this one personal and the other a bit more broad focusing on other bloggers, products, and many categories of ideas. the new blog has a better navigation system, and once it grows with more posts, it will become a haven for a the 30 something lady looking to make her life and her families,  simple with easy ideas and beauty.  i would like to cross post and of course, have other bloggers do the same. i thought i would give my loyal readers here the first sneak peak at what has come to fruition so far. i still have many categories i would like to get started before i completely launch the blog, and that is where my lovely readers and fellow bloggers come in….i can’t do it alone!

if you have an idea you would like to submit for any of these categories, please send me an email. photography is very important here. dslr, no flash, natural light is crucial! i am looking for topics like fashion, interiors/exteriors, garden, travel, DIY, literary, kinship, music, knowledge(politics, news, etc). please send me an email if you are interested in submitting. also, as a side note, it will take some time to get this up and running with my busy schedule coming up ( a good lesson for me, because i often want everything to happen NOW!) please, do not be offended if i do not feel it is a good fit…ideally, i am trying to build this as an online magazine!

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check out the link below!

now onto the first new post for both blogs. i actually did a similar post back in the beginning of my blogging days, but i  love this simple idea so much, i decided to share again.

there is this restaurant in chicago called orange and they serve orange flavored coffee. once, i figured out how to make it, i often treat myself to this decadent delight.  we were having a few spells of warm weather last week and i had an orange just waiting to be zested. i busted out my moka pot (which i proudly found while thrifting) and made myself a cup of orange coffee. i opened the back porch door and sat outside sipping coffee and listening to the sounds of the river.

moka pots are an italian stovetop espresso maker. who needs one of those expensive foaming machines, when this beauty not only looks cute in your kitchen, it makes great coffee.  like i said, i found a used one, but you can find one online for under $30.

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to make:

untwist the pot. take out the coffee filter. fill the bottom with water and place the coffee filter back in. fill the coffee filter with your favorite ground coffee. add orange zest to the top. twist the top back on and place on the stove top to boil and watch it make a magical cup of coffee.

IMG_5845 it is snowing today here in my wilderness escape. a lot. i was excited and prepared for the snow on thursday, which was nothing compared to the snow we are getting now . i am sure the rest of the population in the area isn’t as in much awe as me, but i couldn’t believe how much snow there actually was until i started walking in it an hour ago.

i admit i have been encountered a bit of the blues. literally, seconds after i blasted out the new lookbook and shop product, i started feeling down. i have been so focused and so busy the past few weeks, almost month, that once i was finished with the whole thing, i didn’t know what to do with myself and frankly, i still don’t. i have been a lazy bum all weekend and probably will be the rest of the day. i am missing my friends and family more than i can describe right now. it’s times like these i am ready to run back to LA or Portland or Chicago or  anywhere where i feel i fit in.

but… then there is this beautiful winter wonderland outside my front door today. how can i not stop and appreciate it? when it snowed on thursday, i took wylie boy for a walk around the hood. (there are a few photos at the end of the post from instagram- you can also see the difference in the amount of snow from today.) he made a friend with one of the horses at the ranch. it was possibly one of the sweetest things i have ever witnessed. the horse stuck his head out and wylie went in for a sniff. he practically started dancing in circles. it made my heart melt and the next day the snow did too. the thing about colorado is it can snow one day and the next it is 50 degrees and sunny. it was melting off the house by friday afternoon as if it were raining. last night it started snowing again and it hasn’t stopped since. seems it will continue the rest of the day. it is always in the moments when i walk around the property that i get rejuvenated about this adventure i am in. wylie boy had a blast running around and i started to see the bigger picture again, just from a simple walk in the snow. i only wish, i was sharing it with someone.

i love how white the light is inside the house.i love how much wylie loves running around in it. i love the way it neatly piles up on a banister or a lawn chair. i love how it can give you the excuse to be completely lazy.  i love the silence outside.

i wish i could record the sound of snow. it is so peaceful.

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this past weekend, i had my first colorado visitors. donna and zach came all the way from LA and amanda and chris from chicago. amanda, was one of my first friends in LA. through her i met donna and it was like love at first sight for all of us. almost ten years after meeting these girls, they are still some of the greatest friends i have ever had! seems my friends come from different era’s of my life, and these ladies were my rocks those first few years in LA. we figured out that beast of a city together driving around listening to music, hitting up the bars and restaurants, and simply being girls in their twenties. i obviously adore their men as well, whom have been around since those early days. it has been a long time since the three of us have been together, since amanda and chris moved to chicago a few years back.

the weekend was filled with colorado adventures, food, drinks, laughter, dancing, games, love, relaxation, and a whole lot of instagraming (grammin as we called it). we even did a photo shoot for sun and glory, which i am so excited about and can’t wait to share! it was this perfect weekend, one that has been hard to kind of let go of the last few days. it felt so good to entertain and have some heart and soul fill the house up.

i got quite a few blog posts out of the weekend! so, get ready for it!


  i admit, that i have been deeply missing LA. i miss my old house, my old kitchen, my old backyard. i miss my friends. i miss the daily things i use to do there like hikes, errands, and the farmers market. i miss the restaurants. i miss the light. i miss the palm trees and the sunny weather.i miss my garden. i miss lola, her home was in LA, essentially.

this was inevitable though, right? i have only been back a week. i choose to isolate myself to a degree for some sort of reason, and those reasons are now staring me in the face.  if anything, in the end of this process, i will have come out learning a whole lot about myself…i suppose that was the whole point to begin with. i often have a hard time with change, but i have often found myself making it be. i have some sort of obsession with challenging myself…in certain areas that is, but then at times it just seems to easy to give up.

there are many things to get use to here. for example: having a septic tank, driving my trash to a dump, reminding myself i am not driving in LA and to slow down and not use my middle finger, satellite internet (the worst of it all),  lack of city life and social outlet, no year round farmers markets, having to shop at a regular grocery store (i am a snob). people don’t dress up a whole lot here. the uniform generally consists of patagonia’s and hiking gear. everyone drives a subaru outback and seems to have at least 3 outdoor hobbies. all in all, it is just different.

the saving grace, right now, besides my few friends, is the scenery. i do love taking the road out to my house and the mountains being so close i can touch them. the horses i see from my windows or when i go get my mail.  sitting on the back porch listening to the river melt it’s ice away. the other day i took a walk outside my front door and to my surprise, my breath was taken away. i couldn’t believe these views were just a walk down the road. wylie and i went to the end of my road and up the next, to which a reservoir sits. it was a beautiful sunny day and the air was just starting to warm up again.

this moment, was the reason i moved here. to explore a different surrounding, to challenge myself in hopes to learn more about what it is i want out of this world and who i want to be. i think my struggle begins with shedding who i was in LA to a degree.  or trying to find some sort of balance of how to keep her and build on becoming a better person and figure out whats really important in life. there is a lot of ego involved in all of this, as i am finding out.

a friend in chicago reminded me to enjoy this experience because not many people get to do something like this. at the end of the day, i put myself here…for some reason(S) that i am still searching for. it’s all part of the journey.

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i came home saturday night, after a long and generous stay at my parents house, to a little bit of snow on the ground and very low temperatures, but i welcomed it.  somehow it made it less daunting without little lola to snuggle with and made this adventure exciting again.  i have always loved intense weather. thunderstorms, strong wind, snowstorms. there is something exciting and yet cozy, being safe inside. a change in weather is something different to an ordinary day. kind of funny i lived in LA for 10 years where the weather changes as often as i go to the gyno. honestly, as much as i miss that california sunshine now, i always missed seasons like crazy. time never felt real there.

wylie and i walked around the property to take a few photos yesterday morning. the horses were out and about feeding in different pasturers and the afternoon brought another little snow drizzle. this morning i woke up at 6 am to a whopping 1 degree outside, still dark out, and ice on the windows. i was laying in bed overwhelmed with all the things i want to do and accomplish this year and in my life.

deep breath, i need to learn to take baby steps. i think i just found one of my new years resolutions.

well, guys. i did it. i moved. although, sometimes i feel like i may just be on one of my weekend adventures, day by day i slowly start realizing this is my new home. especially, since all my shit is in this house. (which, will be posted about as soon as it all comes together!) i am living in a mix of country and suburbia…just more on the country side. i am not a huge fan of strip malls and fast food, but it seems that is to be my life for a bit. besides my friends, good restaurants seem to be my biggest grievance yet. it is going to take some research and work to find the good places, probably traveling to denver and boulder to find it. even then, i am not fully convinced yet. i am a food snob. although, a starbucks drive thru aint half bad!  what i can say though, is that it is beautiful here. the people are NICE, the men are handsome. did i mention the people are nice? because they are! hopefully, we can stay tuned for the “the men are handsome” part! wink wink!

sure, there have already been a few moments where i want to completely panic when i start to get the slightest bit lonely. i have to talk myself out of it and remember why i did this, and try to concentrate on the projects ahead. thank god for the two friends i do have here! my friend natalie came up for the day yesterday and we took a little walk in the “neighborhood”. i live next door to a saddle ranch. literally, next door. i can see the horses from my living room. i caught wylie shaking to the bone the other day when he heard them naying! poor guy, he is such a street dog.  it really hasn’t been that cold yet, but just enough to run the fireplace …everyday.  i open my back door,when the fireplace gets a little too hot,  to hear rushing water from the river. the leaves are crunchy, the coyotes are howling, and the coziness of it all is not forsaken.

we took a walk down the road which apparently, becomes private property once the road turns into gravel. we ran into the owner of the ranch no our way back, and she sure seems to run a tight ship! oops! so,basically the photos above are trespassing photos. it was worth it though, to see what is just down the road and up the hill. this rustic pasture and stable just sitting up there wanting to be gawked at. sometimes, the best ideas come from turning that corner or going over that hill.

there are so many beautiful and rustic things around the property. below are photos from around my yard and road. i can only imagine what this place looks like in the spring, or when it SNOWS!!!!

there are so many things i can’t wait to explore in the area and share with you all. there are many adventures ahead, much reflection, and new beginnings.



i will start this post off with a big thank you to wordpress for freshly pressing my last post on the marie antoinette party! thanks to all the new followers and thank you for all the comments. i apologize that i have not responded to those comments. things have been a little chaotic and busy these days!!!!! i shouldn’t even be spending time posting on the blog, i have so much to do!

it is getting down to the final countdown, the nitty gritty, the final moments in LA. the movers come in 11 days and i have barely even started packing and have to get ready to sell ten years of my life in LA this weekend at my yard sale! on top of that i did an amazing dinner party the other night (a fun and exciting post to come!) and am having another small dinner party tonight for my closest friends here in LA and THEN there is a going away party my lovely friends are throwing for me. yikes yikes yikes! so much to do!

but this post…this post is about the last ten years in LA. photos of my favorite people and moments, and this certainly isn’t all of those people or moments.  now, i hardly ever post pictures of myself and frankly, it is probably boring to almost all of you, except my friends that read the blog and might have a highlight here! regardless, this is an homage to my friends, LA, the ups and downs, the triumphs and failures, the excitement, and my dreams.

ten years is a pretty long time, yet has flown by as if it were 3! i moved to LA when i was 22, bright eyed and full of dreams.  i have met some TRULY amazing people along the way, and some real assholes too, but hey it is hollywood. i have some of the most talented friends in the world and feel incredibly lucky to have met these people on my path! we all came here to do something- to create, and that took courage, bravery, talent, and dedication.  it warms my heart to think of the support and love these people have given me over the years. it makes me feel proud when i think of the creative endeavors i have taken on with these people.  even though i have seen some friends come and go, some move out of LA, some fade out of my life…they are always in my heart with their memory.

now, i have certainly had my fair share of loving LA, of hating LA. LA would have been nothing if it wasn’t for these people. they were my family, everyday single day i was here. these photos can barely even dig into the adventures, laughter, crying, happiness, cocktails, trips, creativity, dinners, hikes, sadness, hard work, and love.  they only represent the surface.

there is so much i could say about the past ten years here, but how do you put ten years into one blog post? you can’t. i can say that i am proud of what i have accomplished here. proud of the people i have met and kept in my life. i love you LA. i love you my dear dear friends.

“Are you a lucky little lady in The City of Light
Or just another lost angel…City of Night “-the doors, LA woman