the past 9 months i have lived on one of the recommended scenic byways in colorado. a river flows through my backyard and i am surrounded by horses. i can walk onto the original dirt road to estes park and did almost daily. every time single time i have walked out my front door i can honestly say i was filled with gratitude, happiness, enchantment, and luck. every time i came home, i felt content.
“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul”- John Muir
when people ask me why i moved to colorado, i am not exactly sure how to answer it. part embarrassment, part not wanting to spill my emotions all over their lap, and partly because i never knew how to put it into words. i have alluded to it many times here on the blog-it’s always easier for me to voice through written word. i had hit a very unhappy point in my life in LA. i felt stuck and unsure, i was deeply hurt in a battle of who’s right and wrong, disappointed by failed “relationships” or lack there of, my insecurities may have grown deeper than they ever have in those last two years, and i was left not knowing whom i was anymore. i needed to escape. i needed to learn to be alone. i needed to feel something greater than myself.
“Take a course in good water and air; and in the eternal youth of Nature you may renew your own. Go quietly, alone; no harm will befall you.” – John Muir
i took this chance with such certainty. i was nervous, but not scared. i knew it was the right thing to do. i have grown to love myself again even if there are a few demons occasionally turning the thoughts in my head. nothing and nobody can be perfect. i have come to realize that this life is precious- it is wonderful and worthy and our doubts and questions are what leads us to find that. i have found a peace that DOES exist, for me at least and a contentment i will have to work hard at keeping without the glorious earth presenting herself literally to me daily.
“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.” – John Muir
in my heart, i feel it is time to move on. i admit i worry i will loose what i have found here when i leave, but that fear can’t be what keeps me from going. this time i am scared. i am certain i must go, i am excited to be on the road traveling and visiting friends- (i am calling it tour de friends!) but i haven’t a clue where i shall end up. maybe it is back in LA, maybe it is here in Colorado, maybe it is Chicago, i am day dreaming of europe. i know one day, i shall see myself at peace in the country again- whether it is in my dreams or a reality.
“The mountains are calling, I must go.” – John Muir
my emotions run deep, my sensitivity high, my empathy and even anger can sometimes fuel me, and my dreams soar high every day.
i am a what they call a dreamer. i dream up trips and adventures, i dream up love stories, i dream up lifestyles, i dream up different kinds of businesses, i dream up creations. sometimes, i even get to live out some of my dreams. they may not manifest with exact execution, but they exist. i learned that on this colorado adventure. How can i not consider myself lucky? i leave here a better person. i leave here with more than i expected.
“The power of imagination makes us infinite.”- John Muir
as for the blog- i don’t know where she shall lead. i have contemplated starting a new section: on the road, as the majority of the next 4-6 months will be just that. my life is packed in boxes and shoved into a 7×10 cube. i admit i am kind of excited to be rid of “stuff” for a bit. traveling makes it a bit more difficult for me to blog, because i do not have a laptop. there are many ideas floating around about what to do- we will just have to wait and see how it all flows. for now, you can follow me on instagram if you like, sunandglory, where i will be sure to update often with photos, because i am addicted.
this isn’t goodbye, but another beginning. first stop, yellowstone national park.